Season 1, Episode 1: "Pilot"
Emma: Since when are cheerleaders performers?
Sue: Your resentment is delicious.
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Sue Sylvester: You think this is hard? Try waterboarding. That's hard!
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Sue Sylvester: You think this is hard? I have hepatitis. That's hard!
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Quinn: And I'm gonna get my boyfriend back.
Sue: I don't care so much about that.
Season 1, Episode 2: "Showmance"
Sue: That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.
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Will: Hold on a second, Sue.
Sue: I resent being told to hold on to anything.
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Sue: Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.
Will: I don't menstruate.
Sue: Neither do I.
Season 1, Episode 3: "Acafellas"
Sue: I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.
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Sue: I want my full budget restored. I want a fog machine.
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Sue: I will not be satisfied until glee club is disbanded.
Season 1, Episode 4: "Preggers"
Sue: I got a satellite interview. That's lingo for an interview, via satellite.
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Sue: Caning works! And I think it's about time we did a little more of it right here... yes, we cane!
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Sue: I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.
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Sue: Find your voice. Stomp that yard. All that crap.
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Sue: Not everyone is gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage.
Season 1, Episode 5: "The Rhodes Not Taken"
Sue: When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.
Season 1, Episode 6: "Vitamin D"
Sue: I can't wait to start singing and dancing and maybe even putting on the Ritz a little bit.
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Sue: I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.
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Sue: Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back strong than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain.
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Sue: [to Emma] Ellen, that blouse is just insane.
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Sue: You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them.
Season 1, Episode 7: "Throwdown"
Sue: I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion.
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Will: I can't do a song with three people.
Sue: Not with that attitude.
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Sue: So, you're last name is Puckerman, huh?
Puck: Shalom!
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Sue: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.
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Sue: I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.
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Sue: You're right, Will. I have been trying to destroy your club with a conviction I can only call "religious."
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Sue: I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.
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Sue: When you hear your name called, cross over to this side of this black shiny thing.
Will: That's called a piano, Sue.
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Principal Figgins: Let's hug it out.
Will: I'd rather not.
Sue: I don't see that happening.
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Sue: God, it feels good to finally pop that zit known as Will Schuester.
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Sue: I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.
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Will: Who's to say everything I do is 100% on the ball?
Sue: No one would say that.
Season 1, Episode 8: "Mash-Up"
Sue: What kid is gonna choose glee club over football? It would be ridiculous.
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Sue: You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.
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Sue: I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.
Season 1, Episode 9: "Wheels"
Sue: If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning.
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Sue: You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.
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Sue: I'm about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.
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Sue: [Ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.
Season 1, Episode 11: "Hairography"
Sue: Never let anything distract you from winning.
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Mrs. Hitchens: Who do you think I am?
Sue: That's a very good question because I've forgotten both your names.
Season 1, Episode 12: "Mattress"
Sue: Get out of my office... if you can manage squeezing through the door without your water breaking all over the carpet.
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Will: I'm thinking about leaving my wife.
Sue: Well, I didn't see that one coming at all.
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Sue: What if I were to innocently murder you, Will? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide.
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Sue: You're too busy chasing tail and loading your hail with enormous amounts of product. Today, it just looks like you put lard in it.
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Quinn: Coach Sylvester, we need to talk.
Sue: I've got nothing to say to you, preggo.
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Sue: All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.
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Sue: You three are boring me now. I'm gonna go do something else.
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Sue: While they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn't using them.
Season 1, Episode 13: "Sectionals"
Sue: Get ready for the ride of your life Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!
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Sue: You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian.
Subject: Glee - Sue Sylvester's Quotes 
Tue Feb 09, 2010 2:24 am
